golden rules

Too much of a good thing is just no good at all. Too much sleep makes you feel worse than not enough. Anything all the time loses its lustre and I am just coming to that realization.

I broke my hand and my macbook on the same day. I sent the bulk of the summer between a cast in 30+ degree weather and paying for laptop repairs. I felt bad for myself and the budget I had been keeping to so closely. I wasn't exercising as much and I was eating whatever I felt like eating. I love trying out new restaurants and I started going to all of the new hip restaurants I had on my to do list. I ate too much, spent too much and drank too much.

At first it was fun, but then every night starts to blend into the next. All the food starts to taste the same. The wine seems to be the anchor for every activity and before you know it my summer seems to have turned into one hot mess of everything I like and none of it feels that great anymore. On top of that I still haven't managed to open myself up to someone who isn't my therapist. Part of me wonders if I didn't have him maybe I would be forced into finding intimacy in a real relationship.

So this is my plan, and I feel better already for having come to it: I ate mostly fresh fruits and veggies today, so that always helps. And I know I will truly enjoy the things I love when I don't have them every day. So I'm going to start tracking my food and my budget again, at least for a little while to get back to where I was. I'm going to take a little time off of going out. I'm not going to have wine all the time. I am going to sleep without medication. I'm going to focus on real relationships; the good ones too. Less emphasis on the extraneous noise.

This is my cleanse or diet or whatever you want to call it.

(1) Focus on whole foods.

(2) Not too much of anything.

(3) No ban on anything.

(4) Get exercise and fresh air every day.

(5) Be around people who bring out the best in me.

(6) Bring my best to anything I do.

I haven't felt this clear headed in a while. I feel like I have all of the ingredients to make the most out of my time on this planet.

For the first time in a long time I feel something I haven't ever felt before and the only way to describe it is a sort of love for myself. True love for my own being and the body wrapped around it. I'm emotional about it.

Just a few days ago I felt so dead inside. I hope this feeling stays with me because it feels like anything is possible and that I don't have to be afraid and I don't have to do anything unless I choose to. It's ok to feel good, so much so that I don't have to gobble it up in a split second. I know the well isn't going to run dry. I'm not sure how, but I do.